That was a GREAT post by Dr. Mills! It is so true that the neurology of how we treat our teens is created in our teens! I raised mine the same way my parents raised me. Dad had lots of common sense. He thought before he spoke. But, if Dad was mad, you knew you had screwed up! The punishment always fit the crime. I remember once after a late night out of partying (Hey, my big brother was 2 years older and on the football team, AND he allowed me to tag along!) Dad got us both up at the crack of dawn and made us pick up rocks out of a field and throw them on a hay wagon, haul them out to a specific place, and then throw them off the wagon. We worked HARD all day sweating off the beer we had the night before. We were VERY careful to ask permission and let Dad know our whereabouts after that. (If you’re wondering how long Dad had to think about that punishment…Grandpa had used that one on him 20 or so years before!) My son’s never had to pick up rocks in a field, but they did get to wake up at the crack of dawn a few times!
On that note, I’m not even sure Family Service would let you work your kid till they sweat now! But the point is, before you react in anger at your teens behavior, think about it. Become calm. Want more? Listen to the show, I’ll have more Dad stories, and Sgt. Cripe will have great advice. We’ll help get Dr. Mills ready for teens.
(And there was some GREAT parent reaction by one of my friends on Facebook who made her teen walk home 3 miles after a typical teen “thing” this week. YOU GO TAMMY!) ~Dr. Vicky
It's A Pair-A-Docs 
What is the difference between punishment and discipline?
Is there a clear understanding of the rules and expectations?
When do we, or should we allow our children to fail?
As an wilderness experiential education facilitator we ran parent / child trips. We would facilitate a parent / child night navigation exercise. Here is what we did;
The parents would be on one side of a large “half moon” shaped map and compass course, and the kids on the other end. There was 12 waypoints. The two groups would navigate through 6 waypoints and then wait for the other group to meet up. They were allowed only to use verbal communication to instruct each other on how to get back via the path each group had just came. Every time, both groups would get lost. Why? For our lesson to have any affect, we had to let both groups fail. We had to create the teachable moment.
The groups would get lost because we do not give another person enough information to succeed. Once the professional staff took back control of the groups and lead them back to camp we would debrief the event. The response was always the same. We do not communicate our concerns and fears clearly or in such a way that allow or children to process the information, adjust and make choices to ensure these concerns are met. For example: “Mom, can I go to this cool party on Friday?” Typical answer, NO or Yes. There is often times very little dialogue that occurs. We may ask about information about or pertaining to when it all goes bad. Who, what, where, ect. But do we talk about preventing the bad? Do we spend the time and energy to address the what ifs? Can you tell me what your plan is on how to stay out of harms way? Here lays a great teachable moment. A chance to see how our children are processing risk and their response to it. A series of questions should follow. What should you do if the police show up at this party? How do you react to other drunk kids? What should you be concerned about when offered alcohol? What happens when 100 kids are all drinking? What are the dangers of being in such an environment?
We as parents, often times FAIL to teach and only focus on protecting based on limited information. Anyway, just some thoughts for you ladies.
Communication is vital with children of any age. I’ve always said you teach children in the present, with one eye on the future. I believe my son’s were born with great hearts. So this begs the question…are there some teens who were just born rotten, or are they made that way? ~Dr. Vicky
Your dad was a horrible man… I can’t imagine the horrible life you had to endure…oh wait, you turned out pretty good! Hummmm, maybe dad was on to something!
Dad was not my friend. He was better than that. He was my PARENT! And I love him for that. The older I get the wiser I realize he was. And even when I was picking up rocks, I loved him. And guess what? The local police department used to regularly bring out 3-6 teen boys to pick up rocks on Saturdays – wonder what kind of trouble they were in? (FYI it only took me one time to know better!)~Dr. Vicky